A few months ago, I found our 20-month-old son eating sunscreen, and then I fished out a toy he had thrown into the toilet. While cleaning up a potty accident for my 3-year-old daughter, the little one stuck his fingers in the mess. All of that happened in less than thirty minutes. I needed another thirty minutes just to recover from the chaos. There are so many days when I look back at the clock and say “Where has the time gone? What have I accomplished today?” It takes me three times longer than it did 8 years ago (before having children) to accomplish even the simplest task. Motherhood can be very frustrating. So much of our basic responsibilities of being a mom can become obstacles to everything else we think we need to accomplish.
Motherhood can be exasperating.
We feel like failures when we spend the day focused on our children’s needs because nothing gets done around the house. Then, on the days when we actually get the house looking good, we feel even worse because we spent no time with our children. If you are a working mom, you’re failure meter may be on overload while trying to juggle work, home, and family.
Want to know the truth? We all feel it. We have just become really good at hiding it or avoiding it. “It” is eating us up inside some days.
Are you feeling like a failure? You are not alone.
No matter her age, work status, marital status, or worldview, moms share a common bond of feeling like failures. Moms feel guilty for just about anything. Working. Staying home. Breast or bottle. Disposable diapers or cloth diapers. Family bed or crib. Jar food or homemade. It seems like no matter what we choose for our families, we feel like we’re failing. Moms of all walks of life feel it. Motherhood and gulit seem to go hand in hand.
Motherhood and fear of failure demands this first series of posts here at New Mommy Help. We’ll take a look at reasons we feel it, hot topics, and discuss how to handle fear of failure. So make sure you subscribe for updates (in the right sidebar). And get ready to be honest. I will.
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{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
I’ve recently become a stay at home parent while my husband works on the other side of the country. I’m looking after 3 yo and a 16 mo. I’ve got no idea what I’m doing, I have several melt downs and day and keep thinking to myself I’m a failure at motherhood. Right now I’m dealing with my 16 mo throwing food everywhere instead of eating it, mind you he will chew happily on rocks, my 3yo refusing to talk or listen and when I try she throws a tantrem and starts kicking and screaming… I know this is probably part of parenthood but I’m in meltdown mode and not coping….. is that how most mums feel????
Thank you so much for writing this post. I have three small children and even though over the last six years I have given up just about everything I ever considered to be “mine” for them (career, social life, identity, time alone with my husband) I still feel like a failure just about all of the time. Especially on days like today where one son is in time out for ripping a baby gate off his sister’s door, another son just threw his dinner on the floor because he doesn’t like it, and the baby is screaming because she doesn’t want to go to bed. One of my pre-parenthood friends is in town right now and it was so humiliating to have her come to our home today and see just how disorganized, chaotic, and plain dirty it is.
Thanks for giving me the opportunity to vent, and to know that I am not completely alone. Every mother I know seems to have it together. It’s good to know that maybe we’re all going through a lot of the same thing.
Take care.
.-= Andrea´s last blog ..Ridiculously Sweet Carob Cookies =-.
Boy, you are so right! I felt so guilty the first few years of motherhood. Now, I still feel some, but not nearly like I did.
.-= Amanda Padgett´s last blog ..Giveaway Followup =-.
Oh, how entirely appropriate for a day where my laptop is on my lap and my son thinks his best friend is Dora the Explorer.
I’m a work at home mom and this is one of my bad work days — too much work, too little time, no additional assistance for him (or the little teething her who is taking a nap). I feel like a failure because my house is a wreck, my dogs are being fed and petted but not played with, and my husband has almost forgotten what I look like or that I have the ability to cook.
I’m really looking forward to reading more about this and learning from you and others.
.-= Beth´s last blog ..A Word About My Reviews =-.
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