Mommy Arrogance

The definition of arrogance is offensive display of superiority or self-importance; overbearing pride. If you read the previous post about Mommy Envy, then you probably think this post is unnecessary–you know, because it’s for her, the OTHER mommy. Feel free to send a link to your nemesis, but don’t click “send” until you’ve read the entire post.

How can we detect Mommy Arrogance in ourselves? Stay seated and hold on tight. Try not to squirm your way out of this part. If you are suffering from envy, it’s very likely that you are guilty of Mommy Arrogance. It makes us feel better about ourselves. Building ourselves up by tearing down another mom is like a soothing balm on top of the scalding burn of feeling  jealous of someone else.  Are you with me yet?

How can we detect Mommy Arrogance in ourselves?

Ever hear these kinds of thoughts go through your mind? “Did she even take the time to shower this morning?” “Is she seriously going to take her kids out in public dressed like that?” “Oh no! She’s giving her 4-year-0ld a soda to drink!” “She isn’t even trying to breast feed.” I could go on, but it’s just not healthy for me to linger in my own dark thoughts.

Feeling like this post is for you yet? Me too!!! What we have to remember is that at the root of each criticism is probably one of our values. The value of cleanliness, presentation, healthy nutrition, etc. When you think about it this way, we soon realize that criticizing someone for their set of values isn’t helpful in relationships. We are essentially using our personal standard–our measuring stick–and comparing everyone else to it. It doesn’t truly build you up in a healthy way to put others down. It only fuels the ugly monster of arrogance.

Ever met an arrogant person? Yeah. Well, she isn’t usually surrounded by a multitude of  friendly people and she isn’t on your friends & family list in your contacts folder either. Why not? She makes you feel like a failure. Always doing something “better” than you do it. Always pointing out her mothering tips that are so great. She’s plastic!

Yes. We’re going in circles here, but don’t get lost. You do not want to be the friendless arrogant mommy and you don’t want to cross her path either.  Enough said. So, how do we meet in the middle?

Let’s call our goal Contentment in Mothering. Getting to a state of contentment is hard work. Here is my suggestion:

1. Define contentment: the state of being contented; satisfaction; ease of mind. Satisfaction requires you to decide what will satisfy you.

2. Make 2 lists. List #1–your current parenting/mothering values. List #2–your desired parenting values.

3. Now compare the two lists and decide what changes need to be made in your home, in your attitude, and in your relationships. Make sure you stay practical here. For example, one of your goals could be “Be happier”, but that is not easily measured and will likely never be achieved. An achievable goal might be “Make a list of 3 things I am thankful for each week and put it on the refrigerator as reminder.”

So, go crazy with your values. Learn to appreciate the values you see in other families. If you find yourself slipping down the slippery slope of arrogance, turn it around to make a positive outcome. Define the value that is missing (according to your standard) and make sure you are making efforts to instill it into your family. Finally, when–and only when–asked for help in parenting, be humble and helpful with another mommy.

Any other thoughts you’d like to share? Please write it in the comments section below.

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