Originally published March 25, 2009, this is still one of the posts I hold dearest to my heart. Most of you haven’t seen it because you haven’t been around that long. Welcome to New Mommy Help. Put your feet up and experience the beauty of your child’s relationship with his or her daddy.

I was talking to a friend yesterday who told me her husband just couldn’t handle their two kids by himself. Or, maybe it was that he didn’t think he could? Or, was it that she didn’t trust him to handle it well? Doesn’t really matter. It got me thinking. I have heard that from lots of moms and it just doesn’t compute for me.

The first time I left Todd alone with our twins to go to the grocery store, he called me 45 minutes later. I was standing in line at the checkout feeling good to be “alone”. When I answered the call he said, “You have to come home. They won’t stop crying and it’s driving me crazy.” To be fair, I breastfed and the boys were only about 6 weeks old. He felt helpless to calm them. So, I went home. And, a week later I went to get my hair cut. This time I left him some pumped milk he could offer if things got scary. Now, years later, Todd is on his own with all four of our kids without any problems.

Why can’t we moms let go? It seems to me that the underlying issue is fear. “If I don’t do it, it won’t get done right.” Are you afraid of leaving your baby/kids with your husband? Or is he afraid? First, I want to encourage you in this area. You are the mommy. Nobody else can be the mommy except you.

So, let him be the Daddy! He might feed them fruit loops and ice cream for dinner. He may not bathe them or if he does, he may get water in their faces. He just might read them 3 stories instead of exactly two. Does all of that really matter for one day?  Or, maybe he will actually do a lot of things right. Could he actually do something better than you? You’ll never know until  you let him try. Give him some space. The time you spend away will only serve to give you a much deserved break and boost Daddy’s confidence.

What will it do for the relationship between your baby and his daddy? We hear all the time how important it is for a baby to bond with her mother, but what about the bond with daddy?

I’ll be the first to admit that I can be a little controlling when it comes to taking care of my kids. As moms, we all can lean in this direction because it’s what we do. We live each day serving our kids and rightly so. I can give the little ones a bath without getting one drop of water in their eyes. I can make the best oatmeal and tuck them in just right. Even the mistakes I make are sometimes heralded by my kids.

My husband does not do it the way I do. He’s got his own way with our kids. And I love it! Nobody can get a laugh like Daddy in our house. No one can beat him at making funny voices when reading a story. No one can out-dance him. No one can win a tickle war against him. He’s the first one the kids ask to play outside with them. And, best of all, I can leave our house knowing they will be loved and cared for while I’m gone. Notice I didn’t say they will have a good babysitter. A daddy is not a babysitter. He’s a parent.

Are you ready to let go a little? If you are unsure about how things will go, start small. Leave for one hour at a time and then expand the time a little with each outing. If Daddy needs it, give him detailed instructions on schedule, food, sleep, etc. Tell him you know he can do it. He needs to hear your approval and encouragement. One of the most discouraging things you can do to a new daddy is to tell him you don’t trust him with his own children. Even if you haven’t actually said it, maybe your actions and lack of trust speak for themselves. Let him ask questions and make sure you stay by the phone in case he needs you. Take slow steps. It gets easier each time and your confidence (as well as his) will grow too.

Recommended Reading:

Father’s First Steps: 25 Things Every New Dad Should Know

Becoming a Father: How to Nurture and Enjoy Your Family (Sears, William, Growing Family Series.)

This post was originally written March 15, 2009. At even a few months old, I’m sure most of you have not read it. I think it’s important, so I’m putting it in front today.

Having a baby is arguably one the most stressful life events. This wonderful, awe-inspiring change brings with it heightened emotions, hormones (of course), and pressure. Even if this baby is not your first, you will likely experience added stress with a new little one at home. The new dad is also prone to feel the stress. How could he not?

A great way to release some tension is to go on a date. I know, you may be thinking that sounds crazy when your baby needs you so much. It is true that our babies need constant attention. That is the reason we must take a break and reconnect with our husbands. A marriage changes dramatically after having a new baby. It is not all bad either. Actually, having a new baby can grow your marriage in some beautiful ways. The love you share and the experiences you have as parents help to form an amazing bond between you. So, take advantage of the love you have for your baby and share it with each other. It is hard to leave your baby for the first time, but it is worth it.

Here are 5 strategies to help make date night possible.

1.    Take advantage of mom/mom-in-law when she visits. It is so difficult to leave our new little one, but who better to care for them than grandma? She will give her the utmost of attention and love while you are away. If you are breastfeeding, time the outing just right. Nurse your baby and hand her over to Grandma. Then, you have 2 to 3 hours to get away.

2.   Take someone up on their offer to watch your new little one. There are a lot of people who would love a baby-fix and want to help. Most people only offer to babysit a newborn if they really have a desire to do it. A trusted friend or neighbor may be thrilled to help you have some time alone with your spouse.

3.    Trade sitting with another family. You may not be ready for this in the first couple of months. Give yourself some time to adjust to having a new baby before taking on someone else’s child. When you’re ready for it, trading out date nights could be great for both families.

4.    Take baby along during a normal nap time. If you have one of the infant carrier car seats, this is a great option. It works best in the first 3 to 6 months when your baby is still napping frequently. Try it a couple of times and see how it works. You might even be able to take in a movie if you have a good little sleeper.

5.    Go “out” at home. During evening nap or after the last feeding of the evening, have dinner together. If you or your hubby is up for it, make a special meal and eat on the china. If cooking is out of the question, order pizza and eat it on the china. To make this last option work, you have to commit to it. Find the best fitting, attractive outfit you can. Borrow one if necessary. Really, make the boundaries strict. There must be no TV (at least during dinner). No phones ringing–turn them off. Put on some nice romantic music. Try James Taylor’s Greatest Hits or maybe Aretha Franklin’sLove Songs. Light some candles. Going “out” at home will not be special if you do not put some effort into it.

This is a guest post from my dear husband, Todd Elliott. I asked him to give us moms some advice on how to honor dads. This was his simple, yet thoughtful response.

In honor of Father’s Day, Stacie let me  share a few thoughts from the Dad’s perspective that might help you out.

#1 Don’t be afraid to communicate your expectations. If you haven’t figured it out by now, we men are not mind readers. In fact, we’re not even good at picking up hints. Remember the dating days?! Same thing applies with parenthood. Between culture, what we’ve observed from our own family upbringing, and even reading material from the parenting experts we dads can be really unclear as to what YOU expect from us in our role as fathers. Sit down and have a clear discussion about it.

#2 Remember, we’re not you (part 1). When you do communicate these expectations, keep in mind that it’s not best to expect just a clone of you. We’re unique people who play a unique role with your child. I know you wish you could be two places at once and have twice the energy,but it’s not fair for us to do exactly the same things that you do and especially not in the same way. Let us guys be guys. That doesn’t mean we can’t change a diaper (believe me, I’ve changed plenty)but it does mean that just because we’re not the most nurturing, caring, sensitive, etc. that we’re bad people or parents. Let how we were hard-wired be able to shine through.

#3 Remember, we’re not you (part 2). Because we’re not women, we don’t have some of the same abilities as you. I’ve found that Stacie is a much better multitasker than I am. She also has ways of coaxing the kids that are more effective than my methods. That’s just a couple of things. You may think, “if I can do it, he can do it” but that’s not necessarily true. Recognize our limitations. Also, consider that on some aspects of parenting, we’re a little insecure. Build our confidence through your expression of belief in us while  giving clear instructions!

Well, I’m not sure I’ve unlocked any deep secrets of the male psyche but I hope I’ve given you some perspective that you wouldn’t have otherwise. Treasure the guy you’ve got and give him a Happy Father’s Day!

Here’s a previous post about daddies: Let Him Be The Daddy